My love for you is true
do you feel this way too ?
Do you still care for me
and want me like you did ?

It has been days since we laughed
on the phone
you don’t know how
so alone I feel

I believed you loved me
I was happy
even if we couldn’t make it real
I trusted in you
and all we feel

but do you still
feel for me
the way you did
before ?

The tears will come at first or maybe later when your child has been sick or injured. At first you may try to be strong because you don’t want to upset your child, but the more you see them in discomfort you may start to feel the pain and ask yourself or the higher powers why your child and not you ? It is horrible to see your little one hurt when they should be out in the back yard or sneaking your nail polish onto her little nails. It is okay to cry. Keep reassuring your child you are there for them, try to distract them with things they like and don’t be afraid to go somewhere alone and cry. Tell your child that everyone gets sick or hurt from time to time and just try to stay positive. Don’t be negative and speak about gloom and doom this will only scare your child. Keep upbeat and positive and tell them that one day they will be your age and have a big story to tell their kid and most of all hold them and tell them you love them, it helps boo boos heal faster.

Margo

I am passionate and dramatic I always want someone to want me. I feel lonely right now…Carly is walking around in a towel she has just written this in her journal. The hot summer day has almost killed her. How can Jarik keep dissing her. She is mad for her guy pal Jarik but all he wants to do is watch movies and build websites. She always says she will stop talking to him but she clicks with him when he is not clicking his remote control.She  calls him on the phone he is on line at the store. I can’t talk C.” He hangs up she fights back tears. She gets online and tries to flirt with boring strangers with fake ids and runs her hands through her short red hair. She paces and goes to the shower. The pina colada shower gels makes her feel better she rubs in on her arms, her breasts and  tummy she is turned on but for what? She makes the water cold which runs her out faster. She walks naked through her small apartment. Why does she care about Jarik? There are other guys out there, why does he do it for her ? She get the milk out of the fridge and drinks it cold her lips now looking like a new borns. She wipes them with the back of her hand.
Jarik calls and says he will come over, he makes it sound as if he will have 3 teeth pulled. She throws some salmon on the george foreman grill and cuts up some salad. Wearing a short black dress she is sure he will say she looks fat even though she has lost 78 pounds thank you ! Her blue eyes dart across the small apartment for candles she lights all 10, some smell of vanilla, of pies, of wax. She dims the lights. She has been with Jarik before and it was wonderful they wanted one another so much, but he always wanted to be friends because she is seperated from her husband whom she had married at 21. She is 38 and Jarik is 23. Mentally they are both sharp, and always thinking, their bodies fit perfect age is a number and if he doesn’t want to screw her at 70 so what right now she is still young and sexy.

He walks in because he has a key. He is tall and smiling. “Too many candles.” He sits down a brown paper bag on the counter moving her various fashion mags. He presents her with a bag of shrimp. “Okay.” She says taking them and smiling because they are deveined and won’t take long to make. “I am making salmon too.” She says and she puckers her lips. “Why do you make me kiss you?” he teases, “Well, why should I ask you should just do it.” She insists. The truth is he wants to kiss her, but he is fighting it. Coming to Carly’s is like a man going into a dangerous lion den. He wants her and she wants him, its just very complicated. He kisses her cheek and she puts her hand against his chest and stares up at him with those blue gray eyes. “Go on, make your dinner.” He says . “Its for you too!” She pulls him to the sofa. He doesn’t know how she is adjusting. She had a big fancy house and now a small apartment. Her husband had given her that and they shared their 3 kids. This weekend was free for her. She missed them but also she needed this all her adult life had been so hard and busy and full of arguments with a man she both loved and longed to flee from…

“I might leave C, I got things to do.” He says as she is grilling the salmon,  he looks at her, she is tall and beautiful and he loves her. “Well if you go its your loss.” She tells him throwing some shrimp in a pan with olive oil and some basil. “Don’t mess up the shrimp I smell something gross.” He stands up and comes to look…

“Just relax Jarik, let me cook please.” He wants to tease her, but he runs his hands through his black hair and pushes his glasses back up on his nose. He is so Clark Kent and Superman. She turns off the gas and goes and sits on the sofa. She has a glass of wine. “I don’t like wine, but I want to have it…come on sit down.” She smiles. “You are bossy, you always say everyone else is but you are so bossy like a kid.” He tells her and takes a glass of wine. “Yeah I know, it’s wrong.?” She sits close to him and puts her hand on his leg. “I love you .” She tells him.

“I know you do and I love you too.” He says smelling her hair. “Sometimes, I ignore you I know but you know its just me.” She nods. “I told you lonely should be tattooed on my ass.” She laughs and giggles, her face going red. Jarik shakes his head. She often worships him she is so hungry for love and because he loved her she sinks her whole being into trying to keep him and he knows this..He often watches her sleep and kisses her forehead her nights often restless.

“Can you stay all night?” She asks him taking his large hand in hers.

“No.” He says flatly his brown eyes molten.

“Why not, It’s not that bad Jarik, I need some company.” She smiles at him.

“Get that fake dick of yours out of the closet and …”

“Stop!” She is hurt and gets up and he knows he has crossed the line again. She goes to the kitchen gets the food and puts it on the coffee table.

“I won’t cry over this one, I get sick of crying over what you say.” Carly shakes her head.

“Fake dicks don’t talk.” He says.

“Just be quiet” She closes her ears with her hands and he laughs

She sits back down again and watches him eat. She is amused and tries to wipe his face.

“Hey I know you are older and all but I can wipe my mouth.” He teases. She smiles because this is an old joke. Her mind is racing because

she is thinking what can she do to get him in bed. He always has some kind of mental block its like he fights his feelings as if she is some kind of poison.

To be continued

Ice cream and summer just go together so I have to tell you that I love skinny cow ice cream brand, but the new skinny cow in the single serve cups just makes me happy there are five new flavors, caramel corn, cookies n cream, strawberry cheesecake (my fave) chocolate fudge brownie (yummmie) and dulce de leche..check it out in the ice cream section and its okay if you don’t share this one !

Do you ever feel invisible like you are just some spirit floating that people and time are pushing by you? Do you worry you ask for too much attention or do you feel justified in thinking you are not getting enough?

I want to hear your story and lets try to figure out how to be seen and heard !!

I am a lover of tarot, psychics, candles and all the gypsy mystical things you could dream up so when I was walking in New York city and saw a tarot card shop I had to go in.It said Tarot readings from 11 to 6. I said I would like to have one and they told me they would go ask.. I looked around the lovely little shop. There were many spiritual books, colored stones, candles, and it smelled of sandalwood . I was not nervous because I felt very calm in there maybe because I am a lover of this kind of thing. I have wasted way too much money on psychics over the phone and I sometimes try to read tarot cards myself. The lady of the store told me that the tarot reader was good and that he had had return clients. I knew no matter what I would talk and probably blurt out stuff and never learn anything. “His name is Enrique” She said and she lead me to a white door with a lace curtain. Inside the room near the window..was a tall man with a beard, a blue shirt, red tie and khaki trousers. I shake his hand and he says he is Enrique and I tell him I am margo. He gets right to work dealing out the cards and asks me is there anything I want to know about today. I tell him I am worried about love, that I love my husband and my friend far away. He says okay..the cards reveals a struggle and tells me I must have courage, it shows my friend has brought light into my life and change. He tells me he thinks I may one day meet my friend which I tell him I long to do..The cards show that I am torn between two men and have to decide what to do but that my dear friend may not be my (Rest of the road trip of life honey bun). I thank him and go back out into the shop and buy a little goddess statue and a small star shaped blue glass candle holder. I know I must of said to much but I always do ..but I did enjoy a few minutes with Enrique in the sun lit room and his tarot cards.

In the cards

Dear readers I will be away for 3 weeks that is also why I have not been writing if you are reader please tell me !! hugs, margo

Lady

you remind me of the love I once had

your heart pure and sometimes sad

Lady you have broken many a heart

and mended hearts as well

your beauty is beloved

you are a red feather floating

like a cloud

rest your cheek against his

love

your breasts against his chest

lovely lady

beauty uncomparable to the rest…

Makaya was a spirit she had passed on more than a century ago. She was floating, walking lightly in legs she could not longer feel touch the ground.

She liked to be near water because as a child she had spent time in the summers near the ponds and creeks and rivers with her father. She had no concept of time, it didn’t exsist anymore.But she did somehow she did. The weather didn’t bother her, she could withstand rain, wind, heat she felt nothing but light somehow the light that had called her into the world and walked her out was always with her and it was never dark.In life she was a beautiful Native american woman with long black braids and beautiful delicate features. Time had no meaning, but did she ? She didn’t think much, it was just a fact she had died of a sickness. Many of her family died and if time mattered it was a minute ago it was hundreds of years ago.She looked toward the light and blinked back what on a earth person would have been tears. She missed her mother. So many tales of when you pass away you do not miss loved ones and want for nothing are not all true.There is a real peace of course and no pain, but she still yearned for her mother. She wondered if she would ever meet The Great Spirit but many wandered the world as spirits and guides. She often would be beside children in need or those who were to leave this world holding their small hands.They would touch her long hair and if they made it back to the day light after a fevered night some spoke of a dark haired angel who had helped them and told them “Don’t be afraid.” Sometimes, she felt as if this lack of time would make her fade into nothing,but she was there near the creek when she saw him a young man in mortal years perhaps 27 years of age. He was handsome and the light from the afternoon sun was on his brown hair highlighting it. She watched him because she could and he would never be any the wiser…The soft wind blew through the man’s beautiful hair and she watched him like a wise owl.Sometimes, if people were in danger she used all the spirit energy she could  to try to get the person to “feel” something was wrong. Often, they would be saved from danger and many had died before her eyes. She felt no danger for this man, she could only watch him. He was drinking water now, he had a canteen and repeated dipping it into the cool water. Now, she was behind him. It seemed like he could not get enough water. She shook her head. He turned around and sat on a rock drinking the water and wiping his beautiful mouth with the back of his rugged hand. She came closer and suddenly…” Who are you?” He asked. She was shocked and she stopped. She looked around but there was no one there. “You, who are you?” She was puzzled and stood like a deer frozen. She stared. He stood up and walked over to her and held out his hand. “Are you alright?” She nodded. Could it be possible that he could see her? No one had seen her in so long, she didn’t exsist, yet she did. Tears ran down her face and she could feel them. “Oh.” She stammered. She knew English, she knew Languages that no one should know had they not died and been a spirit who consumed and knew much and all and yet nothing. She  touched her hair, she could feel it long and smooth and warm from the sun. “She was dumbfounded.” He offered her his canteen, fearing she was suffering from heat exhaustion. She drank it choking and sputtering it had been 100 years since water had  touched her lips. She began to sob and he held her in his arms. “What is wrong? Can I help you?” She pulled away and looked up at his blue eyes. Was he God? ” I am …” she forgot her name for a moment. “Makaya.” She said softly. He smiled. “That is a beautiful name. Why are you here all alone?” He asked her and she sat down on the rock and she could feel it cold and hard underneath her, she ran her hands on it as if it was the most lovely thing in the whole universe. ” I need to talk to someone.” She started. “Yes, go on.” He sat down next to her on the large rock. “I am afraid if I tell you , you will think I am a loon, but I promise you all my words are truth stranger.” He smiled, ” My name is Ethan. Tell me.” He was worried now she was in some kind of trouble and discomfort. Her dark molten brown eyes, filling with tears. “I am a ghost, I died a hundred years ago.” She said. She was shaking. His eyes widened. “My people, were very sick with yellow fever, I watched my family die you see. I lay in fever for days and finally I saw the light and I went to it, since then I have been walking the earth.” She held out her hand. He took a deep breath. “Well now.” Ethan was no fool. He believed that she was telling the truth about her family, perhaps the fever had messed with her brain and caused some damage, some distortion. “Today, somehow I saw you and you saw me.” She stood up then. ” I don’t want to go back to the light I want to live!” She said crying and he wrapped her in his arms. She shook and shook until she sank to the ground in a deep sleep he watched her and constantly checked for the beating of her heart in her neck and wrist she was very much alive.When she awoke she looked around her and saw his face. He was smiling. “You didn’t leave me ?” She asked. “No, why should I leave a lady unattended?” His eyes were blue like the pond and very concerned. She was shaking. “I think you have been through something very hard and you need to just rest and try to gather some needed sleep.How could she explain she hadn’t slept in a century? “No.” She looked to the east had her family’s village been that way? Would any of the people still be there? “Tell me about the Indians around here.” She started. “Indians..” He looked at her of course she was Indian doe skin dress, braids, beautiful copper skin. “Well, Most of them are on reservations now.” She clutched her chest. “Oh God no..” She wanted to find her people but they would all be gone, only what would of been great nieces and Nephews born from her brother’s seed. she had no one. He went to her and offered her water but she waved him away. This was a hell if there was no hell except there was an angel of  a man right in front of her. He kept talking and offering water, food. She was so confused. Her name was Makaya she was 22 when she died, she had not wanted to die she had many dreams, she wanted to marry, to have babies. She did not want to die !!! She collapsed at his feet and when she did so he knealt beside her calling her name over and over to no avail.

“My name is Peter.” He told her when after many hours she awoke. She grabbed him by the shirt collar. Had she went back to death? She touched his face. She took deep gasps of air. She waved her hands in front o f her touching the damp night air. She began to cry again. He smoothed her long hair with his hands. And talked softly to her. “Tel me what happened to you..I promise I will listen.” “I tried to tell you before, it’s all crazy talk you will think I am out of my mind.” He shook his head. ” I want to hear more I will not speak you talk.” He wanted to know her story and maybe get this beautiful young woman some help. She closed her eyes and began her story.

” I had just turned 21 summers when many people in my village became ill. We all thought it would soon pass,but so many of us lay dying.” She shook her head. “You won’t believe me.” She put her head in her hands.

“Go on tell me.” He sat cross legged now in front of her on the rock.

“I lay there with a fever and I was too weak to cry.I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to leave my family,  but there was such a bright light and one day it just seemed to blanket me and then it seemed all I did was walk, and I knew I was a ghost.” Her black eyes warned him that what she spoke was the truth and that he should believe her.

“Alright, and now you are alive again?” He asked her reaching out his hand to her.

“I don’t know. I can feel my heart beat again, I can feel the air on my face I can taste water in my mouth it as if all time has came back to me, but all my people, my mother, my father, my sister are long dead.” She sobbed.

He really didn’t know what to think. It made no sense how could this young woman believe she was a living ghost ? But she was hurting. Something told him she wasn’t a liar, maybe she had had a fever and became delerious. He knew she shouldn’t be out in the wilderness alone and maybe he should try to take her to a reservation, but that was no life for anyone. He stood up and held out his arms in which she walked into his embrace.

“I will try to help you find your family.” He promised.

“No, you must believe me they are gone. So much time is gone. I am not crazy.” She begged.

“I’m not saying you are crazy, let’s go investigate some things and see what we can find out about your people.” He reasoned.

“NO. I fear this is all a dream and I will not be breathing in a few hours or minutes.” She walked around lost and he felt such pity on her his heart ached.

“WIll you come with me then? I can not leave you out here alone.” He was getting his horse ready now, but she was shaking again.

“I am a lost soul just leave me.” She pleaded.

“No, you are very much alive now, you come with me. He took her by the hand. She didn’t argue because she had no life, no ties, no hopes no dreams and she wondered if she really exsisted.

They rode for hours and when they stopped she refused to sleep.

“You have to sleep.” He urged her and he had laid blankets out for her .

“No if I go to sleep I will die.” She was certain, “And, I have not slept for many years.” She reminded him.

He was baffled by her. He looked at her clothes, they were new soft doe skin, highly decorated, she was dressed as a woman of importance. Her hair was long and black and clean. She was young and beautiful. How could she say she had died ? How could she be here with him now and what was he to do ?

To be continued

TBC

Love can awaken much ..

I am determined
I can lose some weight
it came to me not because of
cake
mostly just like that
I didn’t pay attention
to what I ate
and it got on my rear
and decided to stay…
I know you can do it too
just write it down
your daily food,
talk a walk
and look at flowers
and pounds will drop
like the hours
find support in some friends
and know you can do this
and let your doubts be like
the extra weight
gone with the wind !!!

you are a champ !