I don’t know what I did. I don’t know why he doesn’t talk to me anymore. I have a pain deep inside my heart and I don’t know how he could do this to me. I know there will be more tears, I want to heal. I loved someone online he was my friend, we said we loved one another.I sent him stuff and He was the one I told everything to now he’s no where around he has no time for me, I said I can’t be friends anymore. I don’t know how someone could do this to me, how could someone know you love them and stay away from you? This is my true story it is happening now and I am so sad, there is a hole in my heart, you think fate has brought you someone who really loves you for you, you share so much and one day they just stop talking, how do we cope , we are so far we can’t follow them down the street and demand an answer, we built this site together, we talked, we planned and now he has no time for me, if you are suffering pleases feel free to write in with your story. Margo

* I am real

Kelly ann closed her lap top and looked out the window. People often talked about the outside world, versus the cyber world. But the cyber world was where she and Jake had lived, loved, fought, made up. She was lost without Jake. He was her everyday for a year and a half. He seemed to be withdrawn and told her he was busy when he used to say “lets talk”. She had sent him too many messages and the common friends they shared had went to Jake saying she was in bad shape…she had been. She loved him.She hated herself for sending him a multitude of messages from “You are cheating on me.” to “You don’t love me” or “Just tell me the truth!!!!” She sobbed in those messages because now she was afraid he was going to hate her. He knows me she would say he knows how I am when I feel insecure, I hope he won’t think I’m a wacko…She was a woman in love with a man far away they had so much against them. Different countries, different everythings. He was her best friend along with Arianne. They had so many fun times on the computer and on the phone distance had been nothing. But now he was so far that she couldn’t hold him and let him gaze into her blue eyes that had poured out tears. To him, maybe he was busy, maybe he thought it no big deal to go days without talking but Kelly was wounded. Her own husband and she didn’t talk much. She had felt that she was in a marriage because she had married too young, and because of the kids she was stuck. But with Jake she could talk and laugh and there was an attraction there. He had played with some girls online and she cringed thinking he had told them he loved them. She wondered how his love for her differed for that he professed for them. She somehow felt she had won out those times, but still she hated that he had told them he cared. She didn’t want Jake to be a player, in a way he wasn’t. But she didn’t want love as a word she wanted it as much as dying man wanted to see his fondest lover one more time it was urgent. Now, She was alone at home so far from Jake. She had an active mind, and thirsted for things to keep her mind occupied. She knew some how she had to meet Jake in real life, past the wires, and touch him. What if he didn’t want her anymore? She had went online last night and one of the bad guys was on trying to get her to send pics. She was disgusted. There was no intellect behind these people, there were no care they only wanted to get off and she was filled with a venom for them. She was so much more than a photo she had depth and a fire of a personality. Jake had seen it. He had accepted it. He told her the other day in one of their 2 minute skype convos that she had better change somethings and that had been 2 spears to the chest. Why was he wanting her to change ? When he had loved her as she was taken a broken shell and glued it back together. What was going on with them? At night she tried to not think of him, but she did. He had made her happy to feel loved and wanted. She could have another man, she knew it but Jake was all she had ever wanted in a guy and this was important to her. She cursed herself for loving him yet it had happened naturally. They had talked hours and hours, and now he said he had no time for talk. She had a dream that her tonsils had to be removed and she felt that was in a way telling her she had to be silenced. “I need more time.” She had told the doctor on the other end of the phone. Strange dreams that also had been about being in a crowded party at an elderly ladies house people were celebrating and she was on a sofa with people she didn’t know. She had looked out the window and there was a beautiful view of the woods and lush green and she had said to the man on the sofa next to her, “He must have loved her a lot to buy her this place.” Outside she had walked and there were brown flowers which fell from the heavy tree limbs and she worried if they were dead but something told her they were alive and this was their color. She had woke up and called Arianne. “It’s another day.” She said and rolled around on her bed. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine some romance, but no face would come to her mind. Just Jake and his glasses and his scowl. She didn’t want to type to him or do anything but she picked up her phone and texted…”I just want to say I love you.”

m

My love for you is true
do you feel this way too ?
Do you still care for me
and want me like you did ?

It has been days since we laughed
on the phone
you don’t know how
so alone I feel

I believed you loved me
I was happy
even if we couldn’t make it real
I trusted in you
and all we feel

but do you still
feel for me
the way you did
before ?

More and more online love becomes online lust.When there is an attraction between two people and wires and miles in between things happen. You may exchange naughty pics or even get more brazen on the web cam , but when one of you find it a bore, or start finding it wrong for you a realationship can break up. Cassie says Asif has broken up with her because she told him she couldn’t take her clothes off anymore for him. He told her it was over and not to beg him back. She says, “I really like him, and I wish I could know him past the sexual stuff I want to know him as a guy I know he is both a guy and a guy who likes to peak, and I was never so turned on as I was with him because he was really into me and I felt beautiful, but I started feeling guilty and I quit. We have broken up before over this. He is a very sensual person, but I need more than that. I want to exchange love letters and phone calls. Sometimes he would come online and tell me “Baby I wanna see you…” She says, “And I knew what that meant , in my birthday suit.” She blushes. “I was sad because I would of done anything just to chat and laugh those times were few and I wanted it to be more than just a peep show I wanted love. I miss him because I have known him for two years and there is a real chemistry there, that sadly we will probably never get to even kiss even though we have seen a lot we haven’t done a lot and now he won’t talk to me…”

I wish he liked me for more

In online friendships we rely on our computer to get us through the day, when one of us loses connection it can be a hell of a day. When my friend loses his internet and I have to buy a calling card, I am okay because I love his voice but I hate to be the one doing all the calling. When he is online he will say hi and I know he wants to talk to me, but when I call for the third time I start thinking, is this too much, because on yahoo we can see each other on and off all day.I texted my Bff or bffn (best friend for now lol) and said “I feel bad that I keep texting you but I miss you go buy a calling card !” I don’t know what will happen now because last summer he lost connection for a month. Now, the cyber cafe in town has shut down so things are really going to be hard. It makes the distance oh so much harder, I think…do you have any stories to share or when the plug is pulled…?

Daisy (Not her real name) met Mehmet 2 years ago online. He was cute and a flirt. She could really love him, but she knows he has been with a lot of women. “It breaks my heart sometimes, because I wasn’t there, I wasn’t there for him to love me instead of whoever he felt like doing the nasty with..I call it doing the nasty because I don’t think there was any emotion in what he was doing he was just doing it..” They have shared intimate moments online and I won’t go into detail. “I am so free with him. I don’t feel nervous, I feel desired I want him too we may meet up sometime, but again, I don’t want to lose my heart to him because I could so do that…” Daisy has loved him before, “Once I was really in love with him, but then the same thing always happens I get overwhelmed with guilt about our passion online and I tell him to leave me alone. Months go by and I go after him again and he comes to me and we are wild together sending pics, chatting and I look at him and find him the most beautiful man in the world, but I don’t know what to do because he loves women, I can’t compete I don’t want to…I just want to love him but what is love with Mehmet? I don’t know I just wish I was the one who rocked his world once and for all…”

Daisy loves him...

Today I was wondering why some people want someone and maybe others don’t? I heard a story that some people look at someone and their ancient hormones kick in and say to them “This person would make a good baby with me…” This is going for the male brain and the female..it’s like a chemistry. There is an attraction, maybe like how the cave man saw the pretty cave girl and went and carried her to his cave kind of deal. Have you ever been so attracted to someone you could not think? Its an amazing thing if you have an attraction like that and a strong desire. How did you cope with it? Did you act on it? Did you get to be physical the one you so desired and if so what was it like was it beautiful or disappointing or did your “Feelings” lead you to what you daydreamed about? Tell me I would love to share your story !!!

who is it you cant be without?

watch?v=8OFu-Rnx0Tg

I’m really trying to figure out how to go see my long distance love. This thought haunts me because I can’t stop wanting that. I have asked another friend of mine to travel with me, but I don’t have the money and Priceline.com won’t let me change my destination for a 3rd time. I envy you lovers who actually got to meet up. I don’t even want to cry anymore about it. It all happened too fast, one minute I had my tickets booked to see him, then my friend said she wouldn’t go with me. This is distance folks it is a hell. I say dis the distance, I live the pain everyday. So far away is someone I love. Its not fair. DIstance has messed with me for years. When I came to New York I couldn’t be my family in Kentucky. When I adopted my kids they were india for months, its just over and over and I try by this blog to overcome distance with you all (whoever you are) I write and hope that you will write to me and tell me your stories. We have 34 comments folks, and I know you are out there..I feel so alone in this. I feel alone in caring and loving and being helpless because of oceans, yahoo and the phone pulls him close but the truth is I can’t reach him for the life of me.

I sit here crying. I love two men. Both are lovely, intelligent men. I drifted away from my husband for sometime because he was really involved in his work, I met my friend Moudi online and we became fast friends, we have been in love and out so many times. I was going to go see him and it never worked out, and so again we are finished. He didn’t ask me to break up with him, I just realized I am married and I can’t keep daydreaming about a life with him. I was strong for 2-3 days I even thought I could “do it” and be buddies, it’s not so easy. I love him I cry and I cry because I think that he will stop loving me.I know I can’t be with him and I know if I could I would lose my husband,but when we talk I remember why we loved and that there is a bond. I don’t know if I can stick around and one day he tells me he met someone. I look at his photo and see those brown eyes that have stared at me through the webcam and I break down. Do I leave him forever, for a week a month? What do I do? I honestly love him.

lost

Did I love him
yes  more han he will ever know
It was a real love
I yearned
I wanted it would fade then grow
distance kept us from holding hands
and making plans
and yet he will never know
that I did love and I do love
and what will be I do not know
if he loves me will he fight
or stand in the shadows of a starry night?
Did I love him
do I still…
it is a love sickness
can not be cured by a pill
what can make it better ?
Perhaps in time..
I did so wish he could
have been mine..