Sometimes, I get tired and fed up. I mean whats it like to care about someone thousands of miles away not knowing if you have a real chance to meet them in “real time”. I go from knowing I have a friend, to being in love, to feeling rejected, unwanted and confused. Then like a drowning person I reach my hands up out of the water and gasp for air saying…”Friendship, be my friend again.” I mean this blog was made by his hands. I come here and think Moudi made this for me..to keep me busy so I wouldn’t flirt with guys online when he was in college. Now, I am trying to go see him. I have asked a friend to go with me. I decided that he must know me in real life the woman he said he loved, the woman he has also said “there is no us.” I just want to see him. I am that kind of person I am damn stubborn. There are worries now, what if I can’t stand him.What if he can’t stand me. What if we have a great chemistry and I try to smooch him? What if ..what if…The thing is online your what ifs is all you got. I told myself after a month of crying when we had another cyber love break up that I had enough I was going to go see him. I told him that. We are talking again, but in the back of my mind I am scared I am pushing myself on him when there was a time the push and pull was a mutual thing.I play that song by Adele “Chasing Pavements” a lot now. I will try to upload that song. Its very much how I feel. I will chase my Arabian Knight on the pavement on real dirt…I hope so ..:)